From the Heart ~ Sacred Heart Gathering for Women TONIGHT, Thursday, at 7-8pm EST
Join me for a good dose of earthly and cosmic LOVE
Dear Friends,
My heart hurts regularly these days. Do you know the feeling? It really aches something awful. I walk around looking like a “normal” person, whatever that is. But, my heart is pulsing, torn, shredded, gaping, wounded, pushing up against my ribcage, begging to be held in two hands, gently like a small, fluttering bird.
Sometimes, it burns. For days. I feel a heat so vivid and intense, it feels like it could metabolize or obliterate everything, anything. The heat is searing and constant like a hot plate or an electric burner. My chest looks cool to the touch, but it can actually scorch.
Why?
Because I am engaging with the world again…courageously. I am living this world through my heart and engaging with it consciously. It can be easy for me to become hermetic. It can be easy for me to disappear into spiritual practice or art creation or writing. I like to be alone. It can be hard for me to turn my attention to mundane matters. But I realize this is only because I’ve been seeing them as mundane matters—something apart from the spiritual and creative pursuits that capture my heart and attention so easily.
This is not a big “ah-ha” or even a very remarkable insight. I’ve known this…the Buddhists are good at instilling this lesson:
“Before enlightenment, chop wood, carry water. After enlightenment, chop wood, carry water.”
I try to live this way, but the simple fact of it tends to slip in and out of my awareness because of preferences, comfort, habit, patterns, trauma, laziness…
Recently, I encountered my inner monk…this is the part of me that loves to retreat. It’s an archetype that feels very familiar to me, a way of life that feels like home…maybe it was for lifetimes.
But, not this life. In this life I am a house-holder and a mother and a citizen with responsibilities. I had to have a heart-to-heart with this one because she was watching the clock, counting the minutes to “freedom,” some future moment when I can retreat completely from “the troubles” of this world and focus on personal liberation. Like…when I am finally an empty-nester or retired…THEN, I’ll really know freedom.
I know! This is not the Boddhisattva ideal! This is not a service mentality! This is not even Christian in the true sense! I am not proud to admit it. In fact, this whole post may be a confession:
WORLD, FAMILY, FRIENDS: I AM SORRY. I HAVE BEEN ENGAGING WITH YOU RELUCTANTLY (at times). I HAVE BEEN PHONING IT IN (in moments). I HAVE BEEN HYPER-FOCUSED ON SOME ASPECTS OF LIFE WHICH BRING ME PEACE OR PLEASURE OR RELIEF AND IGNORING OTHERS THAT FEEL ARDUOUS, EXHAUSTING OR OVERWHELMING.
My commitment is to serving God, executing my spiritual mission to the best of my ability on behalf of all sentient beings, spreading any wisdom I manage to attain, and doing as little harm as possible. To me this means being a good mom, good partner, good daughter. It means participating in the economy and engaging with governance and power. It means resting and taking care of my body and others who are in my care. It means doing what comes to me to be done—attending to life, serving life, honoring life, living life fully!
As some of you know, I’ve been working with breaking old contracts and making new ones. I decided to renew my commitment to coming out of my hermitage and back into the world. So, my heart hurting is real and it’s a good thing. It tells me that I am back and I care. It tells me that there is indeed real suffering and that I have a role to play in alleviating that in any small or large way I can. It tells me I burn with passion for people and for this planet. I yearn for a better world. I long for things that are beyond my grasp…and that’s good. It tells me I LOVE.
Tonight, I will open space on Zoom from 7-8pm EST for my weekly (somewhat regular) Sacred Heart gathering/meditation/transmission for women. Bring your heavy, weary, tender hearts and we will pray for support and guidance. It will be beautiful and it is being offered in the spirit of service and love.
These gatherings are open to all women (self-identifying) and are donation-based. You can make a donation on Venmo at ElizabethSchuyler-Brown.