The contract stuff is so fascinating. Never thought of it that way, but its language that makes strikingly clear the unhelpful agreements we've all struck with each other out of fear/trauma.
I've been severing the links of the contract I kept with my parents to make them feel comfortable, undisturbed, and liked, in order for me to receive their attention. This contract feels like two vines unhealthily untangled with me deep in my pelvis. They were needy children inside who I could never make uncomfortable, because they were insecure in their own love. The darkness of this entanglement is palpable, and I think hesitancy to see that darkness is what kept me from facing it for a long time.
Your best friend example struck me. There is a friend that we both know we've been in a similar place for a while, and we've slowly, through a few honest conversations re-negotiated who we are to each other. There still feels like there's a tie holding on though, and the resistance I feel to fully severing it is facing the grief of the closeness we once had being gone. But I can almost feel the ripe field of re-negotation and potential that you mentioned just around the other corner. It's a place that feels more "real," but the untethering is scary.
I know that contract with the parents, too. It’s beautiful you already see it. It feels like a multi-generational job. Thank you for your heartfelt and bodyfelt share, Jacob. Yes the untethering is so scary. But, we get to do it together! And real trust is so much better than trauma bonds. Those are words of wisdom tonight from a work-in-progress ;) hugs
The contract stuff is so fascinating. Never thought of it that way, but its language that makes strikingly clear the unhelpful agreements we've all struck with each other out of fear/trauma.
I've been severing the links of the contract I kept with my parents to make them feel comfortable, undisturbed, and liked, in order for me to receive their attention. This contract feels like two vines unhealthily untangled with me deep in my pelvis. They were needy children inside who I could never make uncomfortable, because they were insecure in their own love. The darkness of this entanglement is palpable, and I think hesitancy to see that darkness is what kept me from facing it for a long time.
Your best friend example struck me. There is a friend that we both know we've been in a similar place for a while, and we've slowly, through a few honest conversations re-negotiated who we are to each other. There still feels like there's a tie holding on though, and the resistance I feel to fully severing it is facing the grief of the closeness we once had being gone. But I can almost feel the ripe field of re-negotation and potential that you mentioned just around the other corner. It's a place that feels more "real," but the untethering is scary.
I know that contract with the parents, too. It’s beautiful you already see it. It feels like a multi-generational job. Thank you for your heartfelt and bodyfelt share, Jacob. Yes the untethering is so scary. But, we get to do it together! And real trust is so much better than trauma bonds. Those are words of wisdom tonight from a work-in-progress ;) hugs